i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
