You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
