Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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