Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
