I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
