I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
