I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
