Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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