dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
