i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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