I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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