really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
