rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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