life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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