Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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