I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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