Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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