What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
