It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
