im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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