dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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