You can't special order awesome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
