My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
