i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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