My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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