You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
