You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
