yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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