I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
