Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
