my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
