All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
