When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
