I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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