she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
