I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
