sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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