Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
