Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
