I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
