Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee