Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we're making bets on your personal life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
