I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drunk is a universal language darling
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
