Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it

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  (773): I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it http://tfl.nu/d3ej
  Replies (2) Good night (1874) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Whatcha textin bout Willis?

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  (647): Whatcha textin bout Willis? http://tfl.nu/s0y0
  Replies (29) Good night (3512) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.

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  (831): She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps. http://tfl.nu/t8aw
  Replies (16) Good night (3119) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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  (214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7
  Replies (15) Good night (801) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding

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  (847): i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding http://tfl.nu/srhr
  Replies (12) Good night (5314) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.

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  (717): Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie. http://tfl.nu/dgs6
  Replies (28) Good night (4964) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1741) Bad night (5634) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.

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  (231): I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/7ezq
  Replies (9) Good night (3333) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

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  (937): All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely http://tfl.nu/gogl
  Replies (4) Good night (3021) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well

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  (773): Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well http://tfl.nu/o41u
  Replies (4) Good night (448) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.

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  (812): I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy. http://tfl.nu/z5fr
  Replies (13) Good night (2711) Bad night (386)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

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  (540): I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night? http://tfl.nu/328v
  Replies (9) Good night (2411) Bad night (523)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

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  (301): Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles" http://tfl.nu/ewys
  Replies (7) Good night (1240) Bad night (696)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.

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  (406): I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way. http://tfl.nu/wnl7
  Replies (11) Good night (467) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.

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  (251): my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car. http://tfl.nu/1aw9
  Replies (2) Good night (280) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt

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