I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place