So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.