He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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