I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....