Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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