Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now