quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
