The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize