I wish i was in the wii world.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
