Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
