OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
