You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
