Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
me + whiskey = a bad person
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
