Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
