he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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