DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
