his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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