R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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