New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
