Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's always time for handjobs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
