I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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