She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
