some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
