I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
