I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's get the cat blown out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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