the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
