I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
