i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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