Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You made out with two different species that night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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