Just fell off a train. Bad.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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