There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
