He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
