i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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