Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize