FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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