my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
