so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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