haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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