we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
